I'm Not That Adam Levine, Goddamnit!

That Adam Levine This Adam Levine

Here I was, minding my own business in life, never thinking that having a listed number was any real kind of problem. And then the unthinkable happened: my heretofore ordinary name was expropriated by the lead singer of one of the lamest bands of all time: Maroon5.

There are many Adam Levines in Los Angeles, from whence Maroon5's lame music eminates, but I am the only one who is listed, so you can guess the rest. The Adam Levine from Maroon5 is young and handsome -- look at him. Is that some steamy sensuality or what? Meanwhile, I am old and decrepit -- not the normal target for 14-year-old-groupie calls, but here it is. I wonder why they think it is so easy to find their little teeny-bopper idol.

02-22-2005 UPDATE

It seems as if That Adam Levine and Paris Hilton are BFF. He was in her hacked Sidekick II:

Levine, Adam: 323-384-5068

I'm sure the number is no longer working, but why don't you give a try, just for kicks. Now that I think of it, like Zoolander, they both only have a single facial expression for the camera... Separated at birth?

02-13-2005 UPDATE

Grammy Special!

Maroon5 has won the Milli Vanilli Kiss of Death Grammy! That's right, the boys are officially on downslope of their careers, thanks to their garnering of the "Best New Artist" Grammy, which is typically given to the band least likely to ever have another hit.

A full list of Best New Artist winners can be found here. See if you can pick out the ones who still have careers!

01-26-2005 UPDATE

Even Funnier Than Stupid Maroon 5 Fans. A piece from The New Yorker about a middle-aged guy in Brooklyn with the same name as Ol' Dirty Bastard, Russell Jones. Hilarity ensues.

01-03-2005 UPDATE

Yes, I'm Still Not That Adam Levine, but it's getting time to close up shop here. It seems as That Adam Levine's 15 Minutes draw to a close, so do mine. Such is life.

From the beginning, the point of this site was to simply MAKE THE CALLS STOP. I've had this number for about a decade and I'll be damned if some pussy-rock weenie is going to make me change it. In any event, there hasn't been a That Adam Levine call since mid-November when, about two weeks after the site went live, a small blurb on it appeared in Entertainment Weekly in something called "The Must List". I was Number Six, right between Bono and Harvie Krumpet, which sounds about right, zeitgeist-wise. The internet is a bizarre and lovely place, ain't it? Thanks so much to anyone who helped spread the word that I'm Not That Adam Levine, nor was I ever, nor will I ever be.

In case anyone cares, I've zipped up the site in its most recent form, which you can download here. Un-zip the file and double-click on the file called "index.html".

Good night, and thank you for playing.

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